When you're a child every things so great, you have so much fun, you love everyone and the worlds perfect, but then you wake up one day and it's not. You don't know what to do, you get confused, you're stressed, you can't sleep, sometimes you have so much going on that you just can't take it and you feel like your worlds going to explode. The thing I love about children is that they love so completely and their love is the sweetest and it's unconditional and it makes you so happy and then they grow up and it's gone, just like that. But I still love unconditional and there are days when I wish everyone loved that way but then I realize why there has to be a period of time when you stop loving like that because it makes everything hurt so much more. I hate getting to close to people so I tend to get attached to inanimate objects because I know they can't hurt you. But there was a time where I forgot about that and I let myself get attached to someone, and it felt so real and when it ended it was the worst pain I had ever felt. People always tell me I'm different or they say I'm weird and I think it's because I live and laugh like a normal girl but I love much harder, and i hate that. And there are days I wish I could stay mad at someone for more than an 30 minutes or my head would stop forgiving people before my heart had a chance to I just wish that for one day of my life I could hate someone who hurt me. Then today something terrible happened that made me cry like a baby and I swore not to talk to the person for a long time and I just wanted to hate them, and then I felt something in my heart and part of me did hate them. It was a terrible feeling and I felt bad for feeling it but I couldn't stop and I hated them even though I knew it was wrong. And I hope one day I can forgive them for real and I don't have to hate them for making me feel like the scum of the earth. Because having all this hate in my heart is not a good feeling, it's overwhelming and it controls your body until you become the hate you feel so much and I don't want to be a bad person. So if it's hard for you, find someone to talk to, talk to me or just think it over because it always gets better, even if not as soon as you hoped. I'm not a child anymore but some days I wish I was so that my heart and my mind would be in sync again.
-Nani
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