-Nani

The Girl in The Corner

Crumpled in a corner in my mind, bent and twisted in more ways than one is a girl. A scared girl, a sweet girl, a sometimes pessimistic girl, she can be fairly weird at times, and she daydreams a little too much. This girl is different than any other girl you meet, but you often don't get a chance to meet her. In her mind she lives in a world where no one calls her weird, no one hurts her, and she can walk around not having to wonder if the two girls she passed were whispering about her, but only in her mind does that world exist. In this world she has to hide, and she's afraid to care because she always cares too much, afraid to think because she always thinks to much, afraid to fall because no one ever catches her, afraid to trust because its always been broken and scared to smile because she doesn't want to get her hopes up. The world she lives in has hurt her so much that it has turned her into something she is not, a monster. Its the story of The Hulk, but she doesn't turn back. She's stuck as this girl, this rebel, this cruel optimistic person who can't control her emotions, who is sometimes scared to speak because she fears what might escape her mouth. She doesn't know what to do so she just dreams of that one person who can make her smile, who likes her because she's weird and not in spite of it, he loves how much she cares and how much she thinks and he catches her when she falls, fixes her trust and mends her heart. And she just dreams hoping everyday they will meet and she knows that no matter how long  it takes she'll find that person. But for now this girl remains a bystander in her own life because if she ever leaves the corners of my mind the world will tear her apart because there's no room for big-hearted people who hurt to much. You can't be sweet if you live in the real world she heard one day, and that sent her to the corner, and she stays there day and night gathering up the courage to walk amongst the cruel world. She's only a scared girl and I hope one day I can be her again because I hate keeping her in that corner
                                                                         -Nani

The Reason I write

I have thought alot about writing but I always get destracted, thinking what if this isn't what I want it to be, so I do not write in my book, or on paper, or even yhink to write. But the more I try to escape all it does it follow me and I will write my book read classic novels and I am suddenly pulled in again, and I can't help it because I love it. The words of the great people that settle in my mind and sleep in my soul long after the book has been laid to rest on the night stand, and they pull me in and inspire me. And I can't escape these words, but I do not know if I want to. And when I write I am alone, and when I write I am at peace, and when I write I know i'm happy because nothing has ever made me happier. And I love the words that just express literature, and I quote "And now in the sunshine standing still, how beautiful! You are like all wood- flower, and bird, and butterfly, and green leaf, and frond, and little silky-haired monkey high up in the trees." -W.H Hudson, Green mansions. And these words are so beautiful and so different and most people would not understand literature and words spoken like this yet I do. And often I wonder when lost in my thoughts, is it such a burden to have a creative mind? Because often times I feel to much or I may cry harder because everything to me is beautiful and the world is mine when I see it in a more creative way, where I often end up painting my own picture of reality which I have come to find can be one of the most painful things to do. And I hate when everyone is looking at me funny because I understood the exert translated in old english just fine but they had no clue what it said, or when I say my absolute favorite book is Pygmalion and how much I love books writen by Jane Austen and classic tales written by Shakespeare, and they just look at me. And when picking books to read and everyone else has chosen books by children authors or "sex books" and I pick up Jane Eyre they all wonder what must be going through my mind and why would I choose such a title, they would wonder how I would even know of such books? And I walk alone to my table and I would read, and I would get lost in the book and forget what the others are saying, forget the insolence of them and how they insist on reading "childish books" while I am stuck in the mature pages of a classic, old english novel. And I forget the world, and I just read. Lost in the pages of the book and suddenly I am there and I am happy, and then I write and I am even more happy. And during those sweet simple moments I am myself, and I am finally at home in my own house, and the rest is just history, the rest is just peace.
                                                                                       -Nani